The past week has been difficult as I find myself suffering from some strange illness.
For the past few weeks, I have had headaches with some regularity, but now they've been joined by a collection of more troubling symptoms. What's more, over-the-counter remedies don't seem to have much affect. Thus I have felt too poorly to do much investigating.
Mostly I have laid in my bed, partially awake in a sort of fevered delirium. I am sure many of you have experienced something similar-- an out of body feeling, as if watching yourself try to sleep.
Worse yet, I have found that my focus when in this state is on the door to my bedroom. For some reason, my mind, though not in a fully functional state, seems to expect something to come through it at any moment. I am just partially aware of this fixation during the night (given my general comatose), but I recall the sensation of being deathly afraid after I wake.
In the light of day, I am of course embarrassed by my subconscious's childish fear. But each night brings the same, primal apprehension. I am hoping it is nothing more than the product of an elevated temperature, but I swear I vaguely remember creaking sounds the past two nights. This has caused me more grief than I care to admit.
Rolling over on my side to avert my gaze from the door hasn't been successful, either. I must be involuntarily pitching on to my back again during the night to assist in breathing.
To help me literally rest assured, I've decided to setup a tape recorder tonight and see if I am imagining the sound. I will let you all know the results tomorrow.
Until next time...